The Cabin Fever Blog

In case you don’t have access to the Weather Channel (or any of the many overwrought weathermen that seemed to be coming out of the woodwork on television yesterday), where I live, Philadelphia, was hit with a pretty massive snowstorm.

Because this latest snowstorm came on top of the snowstorm we were hit with last Saturday, a snowstorm that dumped a foot of snow on the City of Brotherly Love, I haven’t been really able to leave my house, something that has given me entirely too much time to think.

So, here is a bunch of random thoughts that sprung from my Cabin Fevered mind….

*President Bill Clinton was admitted to the hospital today. He was complaining of chest pains and had to have one of his arteries unblocked. According to his doctor, he’s going to be okay. Get well Mr. President. There are young ladies in Harlem just waiting for you to chase them!

(oops! Did I say that?)

*If we believe our friends at the National Enquirer, John Edwards is about to become the Democratic Party’s version of Newt Gingrich.

(For those of you wondering what I mean by this, here’s the story. Newt Gingrich handed his wife divorce papers while she was in the hospital battling cancer.)

Weeks after finally admitting (without a “Maury” style DNA test I might add) that he was the father of mistress Rielle Hunter’s baby, the NE is reporting that Edwards is gonna divorce his long suffering wife Elizabeth (who finally kicked him to the curb, thank God)and marry his baby mama.

Now Edwards says that isn’t true, but let’s remember that the National Enquirer is the “news” organization that broke the story about the Edwards/Hunter affair. I wouldn’t dismiss this out of hand.

*If you want to get a weatherperson all hot and bothered, say the word “blizzard”. They look at a blizzard in the same way that all of the exotic dancers in Dallas will be looking at their poles during NBA All-Star Weekend: it’s their time to shine and they know it.

“Blizzard” also seems to have the same impact on climate change deniers. They came out of the woodwork as the snow fell on my little hamlet of Philadelphia. Many of them, most notably Glenn Beck and Rush Limbaugh, hopped on their poles immediately and started swinging their panties around their fingers.

(sorry for that visual. It’s grossing me out too!)

The thing is, climate change is the reason why we’re gonna see more snow here in Philly this year than I did the entire time I was in Upstate New York. The damage that’s been done to our environment has caused me to be able to a variety of things ranging from putting on shorts to see a Mummers parade (Google it. It’s hard to explain)to having my air conditioner attached to me during the summer because Philly is on it’s 10th day in a row where the temperatures are 90 degrees or higher.

Usually, the prospect of Philadelphia having two blizzards in four days is something that no one even discusses. But this year, we’ve gone through most of our snow removal budget because, well, we had two blizzards in four days.

So the next time that your favorite climate change denier tries to throw the whole “Al Gore is a fraud! Look, it’s snowing!” thing at you, tell him (or her) that your bud The Mad (political) Scientist was able to go Christmas shopping in a sweatshirt. In Philadelphia. In December. Without a jacket. You get what I mean…

*I tend not to namecheck people like singer John Mayer. He’s a little too folky for my tastes and this is more a Gil Scott Heron kind of blog.

But this week, Mr. Mayer became a cautionary tale for the Twitter generation through an interview that he gave Playboy magazine. In said interview, which I read because there are certain things that you’ve just gotta see for yourself, Mayer shared enough to cement his reputation as one of music’s biggest douchebags.

Rather than tell you what he said, here it is:

Mayer: Someone asked me the other day, “What does it feel like now to have a hood pass?” And by the way, it’s sort of a contradiction in terms, because if you really had a hood pass, you could call it a nigger pass. Why are you pulling a punch and calling it a hood pass if you really have a hood pass? But I said, “I can’t really have a hood pass. I’ve never walked into a restaurant, asked for a table and been told, ‘We’re full.’”

PLAYBOY: It is true; a lot of rappers love you. You recorded with Common and Kanye West, played live with Jay-Z.

MAYER: What is being black? It’s making the most of your life, not taking a single moment for granted. Taking something that’s seen as a struggle and making it work for you, or you’ll die inside. Not to say that my struggle is like the collective struggle of black America. But maybe my struggle is similar to one black dude’s.

Now if he had stopped there, even with the use of the N-word, he might have been okay. Sure, dropping an N-bomb is still gonna piss off a lot of people, but that might have gone under the radar with most news organizations.

But because Mayer apparently has the worst case of diarrhea of the mouth and constipation of the brain in music today, he didn’t stop and ended up in the crosshairs of a group of people you don’t want to be in the crosshairs of:

Black women.

PLAYBOY: Do black women throw themselves at you?

MAYER: I don’t think I open myself to it. My dick is sort of like a white supremacist. I’ve got a Benetton heart and a fuckin’ David Duke cock. I’m going to start dating separately from my dick.

PLAYBOY: Let’s put some names out there. Let’s get specific.

MAYER: I always thought Holly Robinson Peete was gorgeous. Every white dude loved Hilary from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. And Kerry Washington. She’s superhot, and she’s also white-girl crazy. Kerry Washington would break your heart like a white girl. Just all of a sudden she’d be like, “Yeah, I sucked his dick. Whatever.” And you’d be like, “What? We weren’t talking about that.” That’s what “Heartbreak Warfare” is all about, when a girl uses jealousy as a tactic.

Now this last part makes me ask three questions: What is white-girl crazy? Is it different than black-girl crazy?

And most importantly, when are Holly Robinson Peete and Kerry Washington going to bitchslap this silly motherfucker in his head and can the folks from TMZ make sure it gets on the air when it happens?

I have no problem with people being upfront with their feelings. Let’s face it, I don’t see any sista with a sense of self saying “ooh, I’ve gotta go get me some John Mayer!”

But where I got mad was when I saw this piece on my Facebook page. It was a piece from where writer LaToya Tooles writes the following:

“I doubt you have any idea what it feels like to be invisible, to come to a party looking for a little sexual validation and have white men look through you like you’re wearing sweats. I doubt you know what it’s like to feel the weight of cultural expectations every time you stand on a dance floor, knowing that your dance card will be empty since you won’t play the freak. I doubt you know what it’s like to question everything about yourself — how you stood, how you dressed, how you smiled, trying to figure out what you did so wrong that men simply stayed away? I’m not ignorant enough to think my color is the only reason men would dismiss me, but when that happens enough times, it’s hard to ignore the common factor. Do you know what it’s like to be ignored in a roomful of romantic partners your age? Well, multiply that by 300 years of servitude.

I grew up hearing black is beautiful. I grew up knowing black men and women who believed that in their bones. But that lesson just seems to be lost on too many seemingly smart white men like you.”

In the interest of full disclosure, I have dated a few white dudes in my time. One of them broke my heart so badly that I took a nearly two year sabbatical from men because of it.

But I didn’t let that incident make me feel invalidated. It saddens me that the woman in this piece has allowed John Mayer and his lack of brain engagement to make her feel that way.

But I have hope for LaToya. Maybe she’ll find herself in Dallas during All-Star Weekend and Dallas Maverick Dirk Nowitzki will slip her his phone number. He likes black girls…especially ones with identity theft records….

Well, that’s it for the Cabin Fever blog. Hopefully, it won’t snow enough for me to write another one.


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